


Desires of the Heart

by June_Ellie



Category: Time Crisis (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Baggage, For Want of a Nail, Gen, Guilt, Hints of Giorgio/Evan, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecurity, It's a Wonderful Life, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/June_Ellie/pseuds/June_Ellie
Summary: After a disastrous mission, a depressed and guilt-ridden Giorgio believes the world would be better off if he'd died along with his family as a kid. The universe sets out to show him how thoroughly mistaken he is.





	1. Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I have no idea why I'm writing yet another story that would be better suited to Christmas, this time in the middle of February :P This fic is pretty much inspired by It's a Wonderful Life; if you've seen my other fics, you can probably already guess which of the agents is going to be the main character here.
> 
> While this fic is a standalone, it references certain parts of Temporal Fates Chapter 9, which is basically my universal headcanon for the start of Giorgio and Evan's partnership.

**4.32 pm**

**Crisis Agent Division Office**

Alan absentmindedly glanced up at the sound of someone entering the office. Upon seeing Evan's expression, his eyes widened as he turned his attention to the younger agent, paperwork swiftly forgotten.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wesley glance up from his own desk as well.

Evan's usual smile was nowhere to be seen. He looked worried and upset as he bit his lip, taking a seat beside Alan.

"Have you seen Gi anywhere?" He asked.

"Giorgio?" Wesley shook his head. "Haven't seen him all day. Why?"

Evan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Remember that pharmaceutical company we've been investigating?"

Alan frowned slightly, brow furrowing in concentration as he tried to remember. "You mean the one that was supposed to be conducting human experimentation? We've got an informant on the inside, right?"

The younger agent nodded. "Janice Brown. A secretary working there who stumbled upon information she wasn't supposed to have seen. She's the one who tipped us off in the first place. She's been working with us to take down the people in charge, collecting evidence from within to help our investigation."

Wesley glanced at Evan cautiously, hearing the slight tremor in his voice. "What happened?"

"We…" Evan swallowed, visibly trying to collect himself. "She contacted us urgently this morning. Said she'd been discovered and needed to get out of there."

"By the time we got there, they'd already caught her. She'd been shot and left to bleed out in an alley behind the building."

Wesley went very still, while Alan swore under his breath.

Evan wasn't finished, however.

"Gi… He was a few steps ahead of me. He reached Janice first… He was trying to stop the bleeding, but… She died in his arms a few minutes later. He just knelt there, staring at her body… I tried to talk to him, but he didn't seem to hear me."

"Even afterwards, when we went after the ringleaders, he didn't say anything at all. He was just staring into space all the way back to Headquarters, and as soon as we got back here, he vanished without a trace."

"Did you try his apartment?" Wesley suggested.

"I knocked on the door, but he didn't answer," Evan replied. "He didn't respond to any of my messages either, and his phone was off when I tried calling him. If he  **is**  in there, I don't think it would be a good idea to force my way inside to check on him."

"No, he definitely wouldn't like that," Alan agreed softly. "Perhaps you should give him some space right now."

"I… I guess you're right," Evan said reluctantly. "I just… I'm worried about him. He shouldn't be alone right now."

"Give it a couple of hours," Wesley told him. "If he's still not answering by then, you might want to go check on him anyway."

"Alright." Evan managed to force a small smile for the older agents' benefit. "Thanks guys."

His friends didn't seem to be fooled, but they said nothing, allowing Evan to pretend that he wasn't desperately worrying about his partner even as he settled down to work on his report.

* * *

**Giorgio's Apartment, VSSE Residential Wing**

Giorgio wasn't sure how long he'd been standing here, leaning over the railing of his balcony and staring at nothing in particular. A small part of him dimly registered that he was shivering, given that he was out on his balcony in the middle of winter without a coat, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Far below him, the streets of New York were bustling with people as they went about their mundane lives. Snow was falling steadily, and most people were hurrying indoors to escape from the cold.

Even as Giorgio stood there watching them, the only thing he could see was Janice Brown, dumped in a lonely alley to freeze to death after being shot. By the time they'd found her, Giorgio had just enough time to hold her in his arms as her breathing slowed and her already freezing body went limp.

She had been young. Only 23 years old, but she had been brave and fiercely intelligent. She had insisted on continuing to help the VSSE, even knowing that she was putting herself at risk by doing so.

Smart and beautiful and brave, with a strong moral compass; she'd had her whole life ahead of her.

And now she was gone forever.

Giorgio realised he'd been unconsciously scrubbing at his hands for several minutes. Angrily, he slammed a fist into the railing.

Rationally, he knew that there was nothing wrong with his hands, but he could still see them covered in Janice's blood as he frantically tried to staunch her bleeding, knowing that it was already too late.

The rest of the day's events were a blur. He vaguely remembered Evan saying something to him, but he'd been moving on autopilot the entire time, as though he wasn't in control of his body. He couldn't even remember what had happened when they'd finally nailed the head of the pharmaceutical company and his cronies.

Somehow, he'd simply gone from kneeling in that alley to standing out here on his balcony, with no memory of how he'd gotten here.

Absently, he noted that he could barely feel the cold anymore. Some part of him seemed to realise that was a bad sign, but he couldn't quite remember why. For some reason, he was having trouble focusing.

His thoughts were rapidly slipping away like a handful of sand, leaving him numb and empty. All that remained was the overwhelming sense of guilt that cloaked him, flooding through every fibre of his being.

He bowed his head as he slumped against the railing, frigid tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Are you just giving up?" An unexpected voice abruptly spoke up from beside him.

Giorgio glanced up sharply, intending to snap at this unwanted witness to his pathetic condition.

Upon realising who his visitor was, his eyes went impossibly wide. In a wild panic, he stumbled backwards a few steps, mouth opening in a silent scream.

Janice Brown folded her arms, staring at Giorgio in disbelief. She looked exactly like she had earlier, except without the bullet hole in her chest and the bloodstains all over her clothes.

"Well?" She raised an eyebrow at Giorgio's lack of verbal response. "Is that what you're doing out here? Deciding to take the coward's way out and just let yourself die?"

Giorgio flinched, averting his gaze as he found that he couldn't refute her accusation.

He hadn't exactly been  **thinking**  about killing himself, but considering he'd been standing out in the cold and not caring that he was probably on the verge of freezing to death, he supposed that there wasn't much of a difference.

"I didn't… It would be better off for everyone if I just disappeared. I couldn't save you… I can't ever save anyone… I just make things worse, every single time… And then I end up being a burden on the people around me and making them miserable…"

Giorgio wiped roughly at his eyes, wondering why he was pouring his heart out to a ghost or hallucination or whatever Janice was.

He supposed it didn't matter that much; he was clearly dying right now. Perhaps unburdening himself of his guilt and bitterness would let him be at peace when he finally slipped into the sweet oblivion of death.

His words came in a whisper as he finally voiced the lone thought that had been buried deep within him for the last 19 years.

"Maybe… It would have been better if I'd died that day, along with my family."

There was a moment of silence.

Then Janice lunged at him, slamming him against the railing as her face twisted in anger.

"You want to die that badly?" She spat, glaring at him with disgust. "You think the world would be better off without you around?"

Giorgio coughed weakly, black spots beginning to dance at the edges of his vision as he futilely attempted to free himself.

"Fine." Abruptly, Janice released him, taking a step back. "Let me show you."

Before Giorgio could ask her what she meant, she lunged at him again, shoving him violently.

Caught off guard, he toppled backwards over the balcony railing.

His startled cry was lost in the wind as he plummeted towards the pavement. Desperately, Giorgio squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see what he knew was coming.

He failed to hit the ground.

Confused, Giorgio opened his eyes.

He was standing on the pavement, entirely unharmed. The snow was still falling thick and fast, and he was still wearing his regular clothes, but he didn't feel cold at all. None of the people passing by even glanced at him as he frantically looked around, trying to get his bearings.

"Don't worry, nobody can see you. After all, you don't exist."

Turning around, Giorgio found Janice standing behind him with her arms crossed, wearing a look of grim determination as she gazed at him.

"Miss Brown?" Giorgio stared at her in confusion. "What… What's going on? Where are we?"

"You believe that the world would be better off if you'd died as a kid, right?" She gave him a mirthless smirk, looking him right in the eye.

"Let's see if you still think that after seeing what this world is like. Because in this reality, you did."


	2. Absence

Despite the rational part of his mind telling him that this entire situation was nothing more than a dying dream, Giorgio found himself letting out a sceptical laugh in response.

"So you expect me to walk around in a world where I supposedly don't exist, with no identification on me and no explanation I can give for who I am, without any protection from the cold?"

"Like I said, you don't need to worry about that," Janice responded. "You don't exist, so nobody can see or hear you. You can't interact with anything either, and you won't have to worry about freezing."

She paused for a moment.

"At least, not right now. There'll be plenty of time for you to freeze to death back on your apartment's balcony once we're done here."

A sarcastic ghost. Wonderful. At least the sarcasm was something he could handle, even if the rest of the situation was too bizarre for him to wrap his mind around.

Forcing himself to calm down, Giorgio glanced at his surroundings. Despite the fact that he and Janice had been standing there for several minutes, nobody seemed to be paying any attention to them at all.

Cautiously, he reached out to touch the streetlamp beside him.

As his hand passed right through the lamp, Giorgio jerked back with an involuntary shudder.

"…Alright, fine," he said flatly, trying to conceal his panic. "So I'm basically a ghost in this reality. Now what?"

Janice appeared to be studying him intently, and Giorgio forced himself not to flinch under her scrutiny.

"Well, that depends on you," she finally replied. "Tell me: Do you really think that nothing you've done at all has had a positive influence on other people?"

Giorgio scoffed. "If you're going to bring up the people whose lives I've saved as a VSSE agent, don't bother. Even if I hadn't been around, the other agents would have been the ones to deal with those assignments instead. The outcome wouldn't have been any different."

After a moment's pause, he laughed bitterly.

"Actually, maybe not. If anything, I'm sure they'd have handled things better than I did. Maybe some of the people I couldn't save in my reality are alive here instead."

Janice shook her head but didn't press the issue. "Fine. We'll set aside the topic of your professional successes… or failings, as you seem to believe… for now. What about your personal relationships then? The people in your life… Your friends… You really think that you haven't made a difference in their lives?"

Giorgio let out a laugh of disbelief. "Are you serious? Maybe if we were talking about someone like Evan, who makes friends as easily as he breathes. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm hardly the most sociable person around. I don't exactly interact with that many people at all, and I highly doubt I made much of an impact on any of them."

"Are you sure?" Janice asked. "You really can't think of  **anyone**  at all whose life you might have influenced in some way or another?"

"Well…" Giorgio hesitated. "I suppose if I  **had**  to pick someone, there's Evan. But I'm pretty sure he would have turned out alright even if he'd never met me."

"In fact, he'd probably be better off without someone like me constantly dragging him down. Evan's always been the strong one, after all. No matter what happens, he just gets back up and keeps going. So I'm sure he'd be happier without me around to hold him back."

Janice looked at him thoughtfully, but she didn't say anything.

Then she smiled.

Unlike Evan, whose smiles were full of warmth and laughter, Janice's smile was icy, cruel and full of predatory anticipation.

With a sudden surge of dread, Giorgio flinched away from her, taking a step backwards.

"In that case, let's pay Evan a visit, shall we?"

Before Giorgio could react, Janice reached out and grabbed him by the hand.

The world blurred alarmingly and Giorgio instinctively shut his eyes, willing the dizziness to subside.

* * *

When the spinning finally stopped, Giorgio cautiously opened his eyes, glancing at his surroundings.

They were no longer out on the street. Instead, they appeared to be in an apartment building of some sort.

Not a particularly welcoming one though; the building seemed run–down and derelict, as though it hadn't been properly maintained for years. There was crude graffiti scrawled all over the grimy walls, and carelessly discarded rubbish littered the ground.

"Where are we?" He asked.

"Inside an apartment building, of course," Janice replied with a smirk.

Giorgio shot her an unamused look. "Yes, I  **know**  that. I mean  **why**  are we here? I thought you said we were going to pay Evan a visit. Shouldn't we be at VSSE HQ instead?"

"VSSE Headquarters?" Janice repeated in a tone of mock confusion. "Why would we be there?"

A sick feeling began to form in the pit of his stomach.

"… **When**  exactly are we? Is… Is this the present?"

"Of course," Janice answered. "We may be in a different reality, but it's still today."

"So…" Giorgio swallowed, trying to shake off his unease. "Evan is… Here on an assignment or something?"

Janice laughed. Like her smile, her laughter was mocking and devoid of warmth, sending a tendril of dread up Giorgio's spine.

"Don't play dumb, Agent Bruno," she chided him softly. "You know  **exactly**  why we're here."

_No… No, it can't be…_

"This way." She gestured towards one of the apartments lining the corridor, and suddenly they were inside.

Somehow, the interior of the apartment looked even worse.

The apartment was incredibly messy, and not just in Evan's usual chaotic way of tossing his belongings about haphazardly. There were empty bottles scattered everywhere, and several unopened bottles of alcohol were lying around as well.

Whoever lived here clearly didn't care about cleaning the apartment or keeping it in order.

At that moment, the door swung open.

Giorgio glanced up sharply, and his breath caught in his throat.

Evan staggered into the apartment, leaning heavily on the cane he held in his right hand while his other hand clutched a half–empty bottle of alcohol. His hair was unkempt and overgrown, and from the strong smell of alcohol on his breath, the bottle he was holding was far from the first he'd drunk today.

But the worst part was his eyes.

Unlike Giorgio, who was prickly and aloof at the best of times, Evan tended to be cheerful and optimistic, with an ever–present smile that rarely wavered. No matter what happened, his pale blue eyes were always alight with energy and so full of life.

This Evan's eyes were dull and lifeless, as though he had forgotten how to hope. For all intents and purposes, he looked like he had simply given up.

"Evan…" Giorgio gasped. Instinctively, he reached for his partner, wanting to offer some measure of comfort to this man who was clearly hurting deeply.

As Giorgio's hand passed through his shoulder, Evan shuddered slightly, almost as though he'd felt something. Then he stumbled forwards a few steps and collapsed onto the ragged sofa in the middle of the room, letting his cane fall to the ground beside it. Closing his eyes, he raised the bottle to his lips with a shaking hand, draining it of its contents.

With a discontented sigh, Evan tossed the empty bottle aside. Grabbing one of the unopened bottles of alcohol lying nearby, he struggled with it for a while before managing to open it and promptly began to work on emptying it as well.

This couldn't possibly be real. There was something profoundly  **wrong**  about seeing Evan so broken and defeated, like he might as well be already dead.

"I… I don't understand. What happened to him? Why isn't he with the VSSE?" Even as he spoke, Giorgio could hear a tinge of horror colouring his words.

Janice's cold expression softened, and she placed a comforting hand on Giorgio's shoulder.

"As you can see, in this reality, Evan's life turned out quite differently," she said quietly. "Not what you expected, is it?"

"I don't get it… How could my absence have changed things so drastically?" His heart ached painfully as he stared at Evan, knowing there was nothing he could do to help the younger man.

"The easiest way to understand is to see it for yourself." Janice extended her other hand, offering it to Giorgio.

With a final glance at Evan, who appeared to have fallen into a drunken slumber, Giorgio nervously took hold of Janice's hand.

* * *

This time, since he knew what to expect, he found the transition less disorienting.

Their arrival, on the other hand, was far more chaotic.

When the world came into focus again, they were standing in a warehouse which might as well have been a battlefield. On one side of the room, rough–looking men were firing across the room, occasionally shouting insults at their opponents.

And on the other side of the room…

"Evan, Alan and Wesley?" Giorgio studied them, noting with relief that this Evan seemed as lively and eager as his Evan normally was. "So they're in the middle of a mission…"

Even knowing that he wasn't at risk of being shot, Giorgio instinctively flinched as something exploded near him, fighting the urge to take cover.

"Alright, when are we?" Briefly turning away from the firefight, he glanced at Janice.

"A couple of years ago, several months after Evan joined the VSSE," she answered. "Without you around, Evan lacked a partner to be paired up with. Seeing as he seemed to work well with Alan and Wesley, the VSSE decided to let him work with them while assigning them to larger missions, since there's three of them."

Giorgio frowned, eyes narrowing in concentration as he observed the agents. Granted, Evan was supposed to be a relatively new agent at this point, but he could have sworn that his partner's skills should be better than this by now.

It was then that the realisation hit him.

"Why is he firing onehanded? He's missing most of his shots! I thought I told him…"

His mouth snapped shut as the realisation hit him, and Janice smirked.

"You told him to stop trying to be clever and just stick to firing with both hands until he learned to do it properly," she commented, finishing his sentence. "Then you helped him to train and hone his skills."

"Because of that, Evan was able to improve as an agent; both in terms of his actual abilities, as well as his mindset. Despite his impulsive tendencies, your guidance made him less inclined to attempt feats which are clearly out of his skill range just for the sake of trying to prove he could match the more experienced agents' skill levels."

"But…" Giorgio faltered, glancing over at Evan again. "Surely, Alan and Wesley would have pointed that out to him?"

"Alan and Wesley are his friends and mentors, but they're also senior agents," Janice countered.

"Aside from the fact that they weren't quite as blunt about it as you, their advice seemed to confirm to Evan that the older agents simply see him as an inexperienced kid, which just added to his growing frustration."

"Let me guess… The more frustrated he grew, the more determined he became to prove himself, which led to him becoming even more reckless and making even more mistakes." Giorgio rubbed his eyes tiredly, trying to stave off his growing headache.

"Which, of course, fed into his insecurities about his skills and comparative lack of experience, sending him into a downward spiral."

Janice nodded, taking hold of Giorgio's hand again.

This time, instead of fading into an incomprehensible blur, the world seemed to go into fast–forward around them. In the span of a few minutes, a myriad of scenes flashed past. Giorgio saw Evan becoming increasingly worn down as his cheerfulness gave way to bitterness and frustration. His eyes began to lose their shine, growing dull and unhappy.

When the world finally solidified around them, Giorgio was shocked to see how different Evan now seemed. He looked exhausted beyond belief, not just physically but emotionally as well. His optimism seemed to have vanished entirely, replaced by an overwhelming sense of desperation, bordering on hopelessness, that coloured his every action.

Alan and Wesley seemed to be somewhat different as well, though not as noticeably as Evan. It was subtle, but Giorgio could see a tension in their interactions with each other which hadn't been there before.

One glance at his surroundings was enough to tell Giorgio where and when they were.

"This is… California International Airport," he noted, observing the horde of armed enemies attacking his friends. "Which makes this the start of the Terror Bite incident. But… Evan…"

"He doesn't look too good, does he?" Janice commented sadly. "He's been fighting a losing battle against himself for a few years now. By this point, he can no longer see any improvements he's made as an agent. To him, he'll never be able to catch up to the older agents, no matter how hard he tries. And so, he gradually fell into despair."

"Alan and Wesley…" Giorgio glanced at the older agents, trying to read the odd mix of emotions he could see in their eyes.

"They're worried about Evan, of course. But no matter how well–meaning their concern is, Evan simply sees it as pity for his inadequacy. It's put a strain on their friendship with him. Their own friendship with each other has taken a hit as well, due to their mutual frustration over being unable to help Evan."

"But…" Giorgio glanced at Evan, trying to process what he'd learned. "I've never seen Evan like this before. I mean, sure, he's had some moments of doubt about his progress as an agent, but it's never reached the point where he's  **this**  upset over it."

"Like I said, your response to Evan's desire to prove himself tends to be… far less tactful, to put it politely," Janice retorted.

"While conventional etiquette might frown upon simply telling someone to 'stop being an idiot' when they're worrying about their skills being inadequate, in an odd way, it gets the message across more effectively than Alan and Wesley's more diplomatic approach."

"How so?" Giorgio frowned, looking at Janice quizzically.

"Evan knows that you're not the sort of person who offers pity or empty concern," she pointed out. "If anything, you tend to be bluntly honest, even if it comes across as rather harsh or rude."

"If you felt that his skills were lacking, you would have simply told him so without bothering to sugarcoat it. As a result, he knows that when you tell him to stop worrying over nothing, it means you genuinely don't think there's an issue with his performance as an agent. So, in a way, your rather… unconventional… approach to addressing Evan's insecurities is ultimately more effective in helping him to deal with them."

"I… I never realised…" Giorgio faltered. "Evan always seems so carefree and confident… I always thought he'd just bounce back from whatever life throws at him without much difficulty."

"It's always easier to see the big picture from the outside, isn't it?" Janice said quietly, placing a hand on Giorgio's shoulder.

In the blink of an eye, the scene changed.

This time, they were in the underground silo in Colorado. Before he even turned around, Giorgio knew what he would see.

Sure enough, Evan, Alan and Wesley were in the middle of a heated battle with Wild Dog.

As he watched, he noticed an odd gleam in Evan's eyes; a spark of something which this Evan seemed to have lost long ago.

With a surge of dread, he recognised Evan's expression. It was the same one his partner always wore when he was about to do something incredibly reckless and unwise which he knew would lead to Giorgio scolding him afterwards.

"Wait, what is he—"

Before Giorgio could finish his sentence, Evan sprang into action.

Ignoring Alan and Wesley's dismayed shouts, the younger agent charged ahead, firing rapidly at Wild Dog as he attempted to take on the madman by himself.

"Evan!" Giorgio shouted, forgetting in his alarm that his partner couldn't hear him.

Wild Dog cackled with delight, using the tractor beam on his left arm to toss a barrage of metal crates at Evan. Though the younger agent managed to dodge the crates at first, he appeared to be tiring rapidly under the onslaught.

"No… Please, no…" Giorgio pleaded as Wild Dog began to advance menacingly towards his helpless partner.

Janice tugged on his arm, turning him away from the scene. "Agent Bruno… Trust me, you don't want to look."

A bloodcurdling scream echoed through the air, accompanied by Wild Dog's triumphant, insane laughter.

"No!" Giorgio screamed, terror ripping through him.

The scene vanished, leaving them standing in the middle of a white void. Janice was looking at him with what might have been sympathy, but Giorgio scarcely cared.

"Why… Why would he…" He choked out, tears beginning to fall. "Evan is impulsive, but he's not an idiot. Why would he do something like that?!"

"Everyone has their breaking point," she answered quietly. "He couldn't bear to be overshadowed by the other agents forever, so he tried to show he could handle himself once and for all… Even if it meant throwing everything away in a suicidal charge that he knew was likely to fail."

Giorgio pressed his lips together firmly, trying to get his emotions under control. "What… What happened after that?"

"Considering the gravity of Evan's injuries, he needed immediate medical attention. Wesley managed to get him to safety, while Alan continued forward to deal with Gregory Barrows and stop him from launching the UCAVs. Though he and Captain Rush managed to defeat Barrows, the battle was a lot more chaotic, resulting in greater destruction and far more allied casualties in the process. The US government's illegal experiments with the Terror Bites ended up being exposed to the world in the process, creating even more complications on that front."

"Serves them right," Giorgio muttered bitterly.

It had rankled to know that after the Terror Bite incident, the US government had managed to cover up their involvement in the entire mess instead of taking responsibility for creating the Terror Bites in the first place.

But considering Evan's maiming, even the knowledge that they were facing repercussions in this universe didn't seem to really matter anymore.

"Come on." Janice tugged on his arm gently but insistently. "We're not done yet."

The world vanished in a flash of light.

* * *

The sharp smell of disinfectant immediately told Giorgio where they were this time.

Shuddering slightly, he glanced around the VSSE infirmary. He'd always hated hospitals, and the infirmary was no different.

Evan was sitting at the edge of a hospital bed, staring at nothing in particular. There was something wrong with his legs; even from a distance, Giorgio could see that they looked twisted and disfigured, as though they'd been too badly warped to heal properly.

His mouth twisted bitterly as he tried to get to his feet. As soon as he placed his weight on his injured legs, he collapsed with a pained cry, barely managing to catch himself on the edge of the bed as he fell.

"What are you doing?" An unamused voice rang out.

Giorgio glanced up in surprise as Evan did the same.

Wesley was glaring at Evan as he entered the room, with a worried–looking Alan following behind him.

"What does it look like?" Evan spat bitterly. "I'm going for a run, obviously. I figured I'd just circle the block a few times, maybe add in a few laps in the pool afterwards if I've got the time."

Wesley's lips thinned, but he didn't respond to Evan's sarcasm, merely reaching for him to help him up.

Evan angrily batted his hand away. "Leave me alone, Wesley! I don't need your help."

The older agents exchanged a glance but said nothing. It took several long minutes, but Evan managed to awkwardly manoeuvre himself back onto the bed.

The movement had clearly taken a lot out of him; there were beads of sweat gathering on his forehead and he was trembling slightly, breath coming in ragged gasps.

"What do you want?" He glared at Alan and Wesley, clenching his fists tightly in an attempt to hide his shaking hands.

"We heard you're leaving the VSSE," Alan replied quietly, sorrow evident in his eyes as he glanced at the younger agent. "Are you sure about this?"

In response, Evan let out a bitter laugh.

"You seriously expect me to stay on like this?" He gestured angrily at his legs. "I suppose you could always use me as a human cannonball or a battering ram…"

"You're still recovering, Evan," Wesley retorted. "It's too soon to tell how bad the damage is or whether it'll be permanent."

Evan laughed again, but Giorgio could see the tears brimming in his eyes.

"Don't patronise me. I know I'm completely fucking worthless now, alright? Not like I was much help before, but what the hell is the point of a VSSE agent who can't even fucking walk?"

"Even if you can't be a field agent anymore, that doesn't make you worthless! I know for a fact that the Director offered to retain you in a non–combat capacity—"

"I don't need your fucking pity!" Evan shouted. " **You're**  the one who suggested that to the Director, aren't you? Thanks ever so fucking much, Wesley! Let's take pity on the poor, crippled agent whose future has basically been ruined. After all, it's not like he's going to be able to do anything  **else**  with his life from now on; might as well keep him on so he doesn't fucking starve to death because he can't fucking  **do**  anything!"

Wesley's eyes flashed angrily, and he looked as though he very much wanted to hit Evan. Alan hurriedly intervened before they could come to blows.

"Evan,  **nobody**  pities you, alright? You're our friend… We're just worried about you."

For a moment, it looked as though Evan wanted to lash out at Alan as well. Then he sighed, the fight draining out of him in an instant.

"Let's face it, Alan… I never belonged here in the first place. I was always just this stupid kid tagging along with you guys, unable to keep up with any of you. It was inevitable that I'd end up leaving the VSSE one day… I just didn't expect it to happen this way."

"And there you have it," Janice said softly. Giorgio jumped, having forgotten that she was there.

Behind them, the scene froze, leaving Evan and the older agents frozen in place.

Abruptly, Giorgio realised that he'd been unconsciously reaching for his partner. The younger agent's bitter, lifeless eyes seemed to gaze right through him as he hurriedly wiped away the tears that were inexplicably trickling down his cheeks.

"He thinks his life is over…" Giorgio turned away, not wanting to look at Evan's devastation any longer.

In a twisted way, it made sense. For someone as lively, active and energetic as Evan, being unable to run around anymore must have seemed like a death sentence.

"So… This is how it ends then? With Evan leaving the VSSE and just… giving up?"

Janice shook her head. "Not quite. There's still a few more stops on this journey."

Even as the world faded to white, Giorgio couldn't get the image of his partner's shattered countenance out of his mind.

* * *

When the spinning stopped, they were still in VSSE HQ, but in the training rooms this time. Alan and Wesley were both there, though Evan was nowhere to be seen.

Almost immediately, Giorgio could sense a palpable distance between them. Whatever tension had been there during the Terror Bite incident had ramped up tenfold, and their relationship seemed to have deteriorated significantly.

Alan glanced at Wesley, looking as though he wanted to say something. As soon as he opened his mouth, he hesitated, then shut it again, shaking his head slightly before returning his attention to the targets he was aiming at.

Giorgio stared at them for several minutes as they continued to train in awkward silence.

This wasn't right. Alan and Wesley were best friends. For as long as Giorgio had known them, the two of them had been the most well–matched partners in the VSSE. How had it gotten to this point, where they were practically strangers and no longer speaking to each other?

"We're back in the present," Janice informed him quietly.

"What… What happened to them?" He asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene before him.

"Evan happened," she replied simply. "After he left the VSSE, he became an elephant in the room whenever they were together. You know he's like a younger brother of sorts to them, right? What happened to him… It made them feel as though they'd failed him. Their mutual guilt over being unable to help him gradually drove them apart."

"So ultimately, Evan is the reason they drifted apart?" Giorgio let out a weak, hollow–sounding laugh. "Figures. I told you, didn't I? Evan touches the lives of far more people than I ever did."

"But the reason they're in this position in the first place is because Evan suffered from your absence in his life," Janice countered. "Maybe you yourself haven't  **directly**  impacted Alan and Wesley that much, but the small ripples created thanks to your influence on Evan are more important than you might think."

Giorgio swallowed apprehensively, watching as Alan and Wesley left the training rooms in silence without looking at each other.

Somehow, the sight hurt a lot more than he'd thought it would.

"I… I've had enough. I don't want to see anymore. Please…" He whispered.

Janice gently rested a hand on his shoulder.

"We're almost done, I promise."

Before he could blink, the scene changed again.

They were back in the alternate Evan's run–down apartment. Evan appeared to have woken from his drunken stupor and was glancing around blearily.

Looking down at the nearly empty bottle that he was holding, he let out a laugh that was almost a sob, flinging it away.

Giorgio flinched as the bottle collided violently with the wall, shattering loudly.

Slowly, Evan reached for the small table beside his sofa, pulling open its drawer.

With shaking hands, he removed a gleaming pistol from within.

Giorgio felt his heart stop.

"Evan… Evan, no! Please, don't do this!"

His cries went unheard as Evan gripped the pistol tighter, raising it to his temple.

With a sick feeling in his stomach, Giorgio turned away.

"Please… I don't want to see this," he begged.

Nodding, Janice took hold of his hand, and they were back in the lobby of the apartment building.

Moments later, a gunshot echoed through the building.

"No! Evan…!" Giorgio fell to his knees, tears blurring his vision as he wept with wild abandon.

To his surprise, Janice wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a gentle embrace.

For several long minutes, he simply leaned against her, crying for his partner as Janice held him.

Finally, he reluctantly pulled away, wiping his tears away with a shaking hand.

"I don't understand," he rasped. "Miss Brown… Janice… Why are you doing this? Are you… Is this my punishment for failing to save you?"

Janice blinked at him in surprise. "You think I'm doing this for revenge?"

"Giorgio… I'm not mad at you."

"What?" Giorgio stared at her uncomprehendingly.

Seeing his confusion, Janice took hold of his hand and squeezed it reassuringly, smiling at him.

Unlike her earlier smiles, this one didn't seem remotely cold or threatening. Though there were traces of sorrow in her expression, her smile was gentle and comforting, almost like a warm blanket.

"Of course I'm sad that I died," she said softly. "But I don't blame you for it. The ringleaders who had me killed… They're the ones at fault here, not you."

"But if I'd been faster, I could have… You might have survived if I'd gotten there sooner," Giorgio retorted bitterly, pulling away from her.

"Giorgio…" She paused for a moment. "Do you know what I was thinking, the entire time I was lying in that alley?"

"I was terrified that I was going to die alone in the cold, without anyone ever knowing what had happened to me. You and Evan found me in time to be with me before I died. You even held me and tried to comfort me. I'm truly grateful to you for that."

"But… But I…"

"You brought my killers to justice," Janice said firmly. "Thanks to you and Evan, my death wasn't in vain. So please… Don't blame yourself for what happened. Because I don't want you to feel guilty over me forever."

"But, earlier… You seemed so furious! I thought you hated me," Giorgio countered.

Janice sighed, looking regretful.

"Considering the state you were in, being hostile was the only way I could force you to listen," she explained apologetically.

"While it was ultimately necessary, I'm sorry for being so cruel to you. Even if it was for a good cause, it was still wrong of me to knowingly hurt you like that."

"Then… If you're not angry at me, why are you doing this?" Giorgio asked.

"You mean you still haven't figured it out?" Janice let out a soft, teasing laugh. "This isn't a punishment, Giorgio. It's a lesson. A gift of sorts, if you will."

"A gift?" Giorgio repeated incredulously. "How could you possibly call any of this a gift?!"

A small, sad smile tugged at Janice's lips as she gazed at him fondly.

"When I came to you, you were ready to just give up and let yourself die. That's why I'm here: To show you that you matter more than you think you do. So you need to keep living. Because you aren't meant to die yet, Giorgio."

There was a long moment of silence as Giorgio contemplated Janice's words, trying to sort through his thoughts and emotions.

Despite everything he'd seen, he knew it wouldn't be that simple. When he returned to his own universe, there would still be guilt and self–hatred clinging to him like leeches. Two decades of emotional baggage couldn't be erased in just one evening, after all.

But at the very least, his burden seemed a bit lighter than it had before this experience. No matter what else he might feel, he didn't want to die anymore.

"Is it… Is it too late for me to go back?" He asked desperately. "Am I already dead?"

Janice smiled at him reassuringly. "No, you're not. I can take you back to your reality if you wish."

"I… I do," Giorgio replied, swallowing nervously. "I still have a job to do… And there are people waiting for me."

"Yes… You're right." Janice gently took hold of Giorgio's hand again.

"You're going to be alright, Giorgio."

White light filled his vision, and the world began to fade.


	3. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... Actually, this fic in general... is for anyone who's ever felt like Giorgio does in this fic. No matter how insignificant you think you are, you matter. Because even the smallest ripples created from your impact on others make a difference. So, to anyone who thinks that they're nobody: You aren't. You're worth something. Maybe you can't always see it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

As consciousness slowly returned, Giorgio realised that he felt warm.

Not just in the numb, "too cold to feel anything" way either. He was lying on something soft, covered by what felt like a mound of cloth. He felt safe and warm and comfortable, as though he'd finally come home after a very long day.

For a few moments, he simply lay there, basking in the peaceful sensation. Finally, he reluctantly opened his eyes.

It took him a few moments to realise he was staring up at his apartment ceiling. Though the room was lit up by the ceiling light, it appeared to be dark outside; apparently, night had fallen.

On the heels of that thought came the realisation that he was lying on his sofa, with several layers of blankets covering him.

Slowly, he sat up, wincing at how stiff his body felt.

A flash of movement at the edge of his vision caught his attention.

"Giorgio!"

Turning in surprise, Giorgio found Evan standing nearby, looking both worried and relieved.

Taking a seat beside Giorgio, Evan reached out to steady him, helping him into a sitting position.

"How are you feeling? Are you alright? Do you know who I am?" He asked frantically.

"Evan, what… What happened?" Giorgio pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to get his bearings. "Did I fall off my balcony?"

"Yeah, Giorgio, you fell off a building without turning into a bloody smear on the pavement," Evan retorted sarcastically, uncharacteristic anger flashing across his face.

"What the hell were you thinking?! For God's sake, you were passed out on your balcony in the middle of winter! If I hadn't come over to check on you, you would have frozen to death!"

With his pale blue eyes alight with anger, worry written all over his face, Evan looked beautifully, vibrantly alive. The contrast between him and the bitter, disillusioned Evan from the other reality was so palpable that Giorgio wanted to cry.

"Gi?" Evan's furious expression abruptly turned into alarm, and Giorgio suddenly realised that his face felt oddly wet.

Before he could reconsider, Giorgio threw his arms around Evan, pulling the younger agent into a tight hug as an endless stream of tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Wh–Gi? Hey…!" Evan stiffened in surprise.

"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" Giorgio sobbed, burying his face in Evan's shoulder.

"Shh, it's alright. There's no need to cry. I was a bit mad because I was worried about you, but I'm not mad anymore, alright?" Evan wrapped his arms around Giorgio in return, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Giorgio wasn't sure how long they stayed like that as he desperately clung to Evan, crying his eyes out. It was like a dam had burst, and all his emotions came pouring out all at once.

Lingering guilt over his failure to save Janice… Grief over her prematurely ended life… But mostly, an overwhelming wave of relief at seeing Evan alive and well and right beside him.

A part of him was embarrassed at how openly emotional he was being in front of his partner, but the rest of him didn't care. There was something oddly cathartic about finally allowing himself to break down like this, and he couldn't stop even if he wanted to.

When his tears finally dried up, he reluctantly untangled himself from Evan, roughly scrubbing a hand across his face.

Evan gently rested a hand against his back. "You're alright now, Gi."

"I… I'm alright," Giorgio repeated, giving him a shaky smile.

The younger agent's worried expression softened slightly. Then his eyes widened and he reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone.

"Hold on, I should probably let Alan and Wesley know you're alright."

"Alan and Wesley?" Giorgio glanced at him nervously. "Do they know about this?"

Evan looked somewhat sheepish. "I… May have freaked out a bit when I found you. As soon as I brought you inside, I called them over for help."

"My first instinct was to bring you to the infirmary, but Alan pointed out that your condition wasn't  **that**  severe, and you probably wouldn't appreciate the unwanted attention. So I did my best to warm you up and stayed here to watch over you until you woke up."

"I see…" That explained the blankets, he supposed. He was quite sure he didn't have many spare blankets in his apartment, if at all; Evan must have brought some over from his own apartment and borrowed the rest from Alan and Wesley.

Hypothermia or not, Giorgio suspected that he probably hadn't needed  **that**  many blankets, but he appreciated Evan's concern anyway, even if he'd overdone it somewhat.

"They wanted to stay and keep an eye on you as well, but… I figured you wouldn't want that many people hovering over you when you regained consciousness," Evan continued.

"Besides, there was no sense in having all three of us stay here for the rest of the night. So they made me promise to message them once you were awake."

"What time is it, anyway?" Giorgio glanced outside again, but the pitch–black sky offered no clues.

"Around 11.30 pm," Evan replied. "It was just before 5 when I found you… I was starting to worry you wouldn't ever wake up."

"I…" Giorgio swallowed, a pang of shame shooting through him. "I'm sorry for scaring you like that."

Glancing up from his phone, Evan gave him a small, tentative smile. "Apology accepted. The important thing is that you're alright."

Leaning back against his sofa, Giorgio found himself wondering about everything he'd seen.

Had his experience truly been real? Or was it simply something that his mind had conjured up while he was unconscious?

_I guess it doesn't really matter, in the end. Even if it **was** just a dream, it meant something to me. I don't think I could just dismiss what I saw and forget about it._

As Evan finished messaging the older agents and placed his phone back into his pocket, he glanced at Giorgio nervously, as though he wanted to ask a question but suspected that he wouldn't like the answer.

"Gi, I have to ask… Why  **exactly**  did you think you'd fallen from your balcony? Were you… Did you mean to jump?"

Giorgio was silent for a long moment.

When he finally looked up, Evan could see the shame clearly reflected in his reddish–brown eyes.

"…I don't know," Giorgio admitted. "I don't remember, really. I  **want**  to say that I wouldn't have done that, but…"

"Maybe, if I hadn't…" He chose his next words carefully, not wanting to sound insane by mentioning his surreal experience. "…Fallen asleep or passed out or whatever, I might have actually…"

Swallowing painfully, Giorgio tried to collect his thoughts.

"I was just… I wasn't really thinking, at first. I just… I couldn't stop seeing Janice as she died… Her blood all over my hands… And then I started wondering…"

He hesitated for a long moment, unable to bring himself to finish his sentence. Even as he knew that this probably wasn't something he should keep hidden, part of him recoiled at the thought of his partner finding out about the morbid wish that had lay sleeping deep within him for far too long.

"Wondering what?" Evan asked softly.

Giorgio risked a glance at him.

Though the younger agent looked both concerned and sympathetic, there was no trace of revulsion or mockery in his expression.

Taking a deep breath, Giorgio gathered up every last shred of his courage.

"I started wondering whether the world would be better off if I'd died alongside my family."

Evan went very still, all traces of emotion vanishing from his expression.

Almost unconsciously, Giorgio closed his eyes, not wanting to see Evan's response to his shameful admission.

Suddenly, there was a pair of strong arms wrapped tightly around him, enveloping him in a firm embrace.

Opening his eyes in surprise, Giorgio found Evan resting his head against his shoulder, which felt oddly damp.

"E–Evan?" He stammered, taken aback by the younger agent's unexpected reaction. Evan didn't say anything, simply tightening his grip on Giorgio instead.

Hesitantly, Giorgio wrapped his arms around Evan in return, holding him as he cried.

A few tears of his own slipped out and he clumsily wiped them away with one hand, basking in the comfort of his partner's presence.

At length, Evan's tears finally dried up and he reluctantly pulled away from Giorgio, wiping at his own eyes.

"Gi…" Evan's voice shook slightly as he spoke. "Please, don't ever think that. You're my partner… My best friend… If you weren't around, I… I'd… I don't even want to imagine what that would be like."

"I… I don't. Not anymore," Giorgio responded quietly. "I had a… A really bizarre dream, or maybe… A near–death experience of sorts… It… It helped me to see things in a different light."

There was a long moment of silence.

Finally, Evan placed a hand on Giorgio's shoulder, looking nervous but resolute.

"Look, Gi… I mean this in the best way possible, but… You need help."

Giorgio bowed his head, feeling a wave of lingering tears threatening to spill over.

"…I know," he admitted. "I… I'm scared, Evan. I don't… I don't want to feel like this anymore, but… I'm terrified. Getting help… It means having to acknowledge that there's something wrong with me… that I'm… broken. I'm… I'm not strong enough to deal with this."

Evan squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

"You won't have to go through this alone. I'll be with you, every step of the way. And if you're willing to trust them with this, I'm sure Alan and Wesley want to help as well. We care about you, alright?"

"I… I know," Giorgio said quietly. "It's just… It's not easy, to willingly let other people see me so weak and vulnerable."

"You don't have to always put up a strong front for us, Gi," Evan responded softly. "We're not going to judge you for being human."

For a long moment, Giorgio didn't say anything. Then he gave Evan a watery smile.

"…Thanks, Evan."

Evan simply nodded, squeezing Giorgio's shoulder again. "We can worry about that tomorrow. For now, you should get some rest."

"What about you?" Giorgio asked. "It's pretty late… Do you want to just crash here?"

Evan laughed. "You do realise I live just down the hallway, right? But sure, I don't mind staying here tonight. You should get to bed; you need your sleep."

"I'm not making you sleep on my sofa, especially after you just spent hours watching over me," Giorgio protested.

"Well, I'm not letting you sleep on the sofa of your own apartment, especially since you're still recovering," Evan countered.

"Fine, then how about we both take the bed?" The words slipped out before Giorgio could stop himself.

There was a brief moment of silence as they stared at each other. Then Giorgio's face went painfully red.

"I… I mean… You… That is…"

Evan's hand closed around his wrist, stopping him.

"Hey, it's alright. If you want to share the bed, I'm fine with that," he commented teasingly.

Naturally, Giorgio's blush deepened in response, prompting an amused laugh from his partner.

"But seriously, it might be a good idea to make sure you stay warm tonight. And besides…" Evan glanced at him, turning serious. "Maybe, I can help to keep the nightmares away."

"I…" Giorgio swallowed, glancing at Evan nervously.

"If you want me to leave, I'll respect that," Evan said softly. "But if you want some company, I'm here for you."

The silence seemed to stretch on forever.

Then Giorgio pulled Evan into a one–armed hug, holding him tightly.

"I… I don't want to be alone right now," he whispered. "Please don't leave me."

Evan hugged him back reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

* * *

As they crawled into Giorgio's bed, Evan wrapped his arms around the older agent, enveloping him in a comforting embrace.

With the warmth of his partner's presence grounding him, Giorgio drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, did you catch the implication of what time Evan apparently discovered Giorgio? Hint: Take another look at the timestamp at the start of Chapter 1, as well as Wesley's advice to Evan in that conversation.


End file.
